Kindly Reiterate In Non Gestures. I smeared the inside light lamp.

Present day, Present time. HahahahahaH. It may have started with my old man's cassette tape labeled SLOW ROCK. Or my cousins Pantera, Bon Jovi, Air Supply collection. But actually it all started with...

I have a hard time expressing my thoughts and feelings to other people. That's why some people see me as don't-talk-to-me-employee. But others see me as a casual character who simple does the job on time for another job. But to be honest, I just hate talking to dimwits and ego-shitty-tagalog speaking pip-squeaks. I rather talk to a non talker like me. Now where is this shit going, I dunno.

i tell you what i think of THIS(spelled backwards)

Present day, Present time. HaHaHaHaH. Yeah, I know got a lot of I-dont-need-this-cd's. It's supposed to be free, I only needed a copy but here they are...considered as junk.... I once did use this pile of junk. Same color, same kind...its nice when you insert a light source in the middle...quite a nice lamp...quite a nice gift...

for the past years none of whom i've known do i consider a friend. All of them...let's just say most of them wouldn't tell me that i'm in deep trouble. They would just stand and watch as I walk the line of fooling myself..needless to say...i dont need them...happy hypocrites...

A lot of us.. consider love as something so vague..that we use it as an alibi to do foolish things..during the foolish times...yes, its vague enough to be meaningless...can you even spell responsibility and honesty? dont forget respect...and you tell the world that you and a bunch of so called lovestruck individuals..can be moved and be considered a lunatic...grow-up and carry on with what you have..

People are people. And I find some of them quite amusing... there are some that use numbers to call attention, some use someone to feel good..but honestly...it's pathetic.. why need some..cant you stand alone? you spell shit that you think you coined it. And tell the world that youre the bearer of what is supposed to be...you cant even eat your shit..cant even turn your ass and say i'm IT. keep fooling yourself and you'll wind up the same...as most of us do...another Yet-Another..

I hate sundays, the music, awkwardness, and the feeling that something bad will happen amidst the temporary happiness. Just keep my guard up..and refrain..refrain...

i want nothing

Present day,present time... HaHaHaHaH... we all awe when the sun tries to hide from the spectacle that is the day...we take time to breath, or do we?... I have been a fan of sunsets and sunrise .....each one different...each one giving me the same sense of belongingness....

its been one hell of a chaotic ride...calculating each of my thoughts...but, nonetheless failure seem to follow success or vice versa...can't find a real answer on how things progress or fail..

hmm, on the lighter side of my being...how damn shit does an alarm clock turns off?...I usually sleep around 3pm only to be up by 6.30pm....its been two days now...should I take a snapshot of the alarm button..or should I sleep on an earlier time....geez...im one hell of a fucked up case...hahahahah


choking , tearing skin, mutilation must be fun...
what a lame entry..hahahahaha

and you see my reflection(happy new year)

Present day, present time. HaHaHaHaH. Its 2o1o, here at the office. Here people are like chickens..chicken shitting eggs..fooled into thinking that its all about the money.... now are they shitting me?..can i complain?...hmm..

2009 has been one hell of a year. I would like to thank those
-who reminded me that im a hell of a kick-ass
-who neglected me for who i am
-my worthy adversaries...thanks for fucking my life, ive gain much from you all..see you in hell.
-my shitty comrades....hahaha
-my solace(s)...thanks for being there...your presence alone brings warmth..and the feeling of being at home.
-myselves..for keeping me sane..

It's january 1...ill be at the usual place...

thank you doc bailey

Present day,present time. It seems that i'm not the one who needs more of lil' how to handle myself better here. I'm in a crappy situation but i'm okay, in fact i see things more clearly now and realize my life so slow..dragging... and I should enjoy it...hahahaha

relationships are relationships. You need someone to take the shit off you and for you.. Im thankful to a handful of bullshit individuals you really take the shit off me.. thanks guys..you really know how feck up my life...

Im happy thanks...
ei you...please dont throw your life around.. look at me...im looking at you...

maybe its opened but we know who can really close this deal..

midshift crisis

Present day, present time. HaHaHaHaH. There are things that we ought to take for granted till its gone. Yes, you may find some sort of substitute to replace it, it might be of greater value or less. But it could not replace what should be there. Missed it.

Currently pretending being what I hate. Im enjoying this facade too much that somehow afraid that this will ruin the what I am and the what will I be. Guess, I cant really face my problem. I tend to replace it with another problem that I can easily solve.

Ruth, mentioned last night that it would be of my best interest to be part of the MIS department. I agree, but there are no internally hired techs. My take... I think its time to be free again.. and venture...anyway, I've got no reason to stay in this company....

Plans...should be accomplish by november 2010.Im aiming at the stars again...

She's slowly fading away. Frankly I can't really tell if she's back from her circle. But I could tell that im not within her circle. Enjoy playin'

Now no more "i love you's" just sweet "hello's".

I still hold on what I believe in...trust me when I say so...you know me...I dont get back on my word....never!!!

No suprises

Present day, present time. HaHaHaHaH. And I look like one of "them". She's with someone new. I cant really understand how I feel right now. Its like all the shit in the world is on me. Asking myself what happened, I thought I built a fortress forge with love, patience and trust instead it became a big wall isolating me from what I tried to protect.

Coping? still.. trying to close my eyes, grasp my breath and try to let go...

Pretending to be what I hate..helps..
Talking to someone you hate...helps..
Talking to a friend...helps
Writing and reading...helps

Keeping busy... doesn't help.
Expecting... doesn't help
looking back... doesn't help
Isolation...doesn't help.

And yes, I've given a thought about killing, its my niche. lol, but come to think about it. Will it benefit me? or its one way of cheating?

I have a habit of making things funny. Well in this case, I found out what a liar the 3rd party is. He is all about the impression. Well, if he ever hurt's her again. That I think will be a just motive to kill him.

What do I think about her?..Well besides the fact she is one bitch,liar,user-friendly,fickle-minded,whore who looks upon nothing but herself...i still love her.

forgot the feeling

Present day, present time. HaHaHaHaH. I think its about time to get a pair of sneakers. umbro,umbro, umbro, umbro. Yeah, i know its been awhile..since..hahahahaha.. I think ill sell my mobo with proc..need money..bullcrap its almost 3 years ..and still no money...shit!

Work... hated it so much that am not opening my mail during restdays. its almost 12:30pm and i should go to sleep. Fcuk..so many things to do ..so little time.

ive been eyeing this guitar for almost 3 years...hope its mine by the second week..if not just wait till the price is right...still not making any sense here...

i want to feel pain....i want to suffer..im to happy...im not hungry anymore...this aint me...or is this really me...

Filling my glass with coke

Present day, present time.HaHaHaHaH. UMBRO! shoes! well there quite cheap than the 3 strips,five star,check,crocodile logos out there. 

Feeling bit weird nowadays.  I dont like what I am doing but I got nothing to do but wait. There I go again.  Fuckin myself. Speaking of cursing. Like the feeling of it, I am what I am a Pig who whines like a BABOY!.hahahaha. Theres nothing like cursing in your native tongue, quite a meaning.hahahaha.

Valentines day here again. No more, mixed nuts here in davao. I am not fond of flowers. Hope I find something outrageous or simply memorable. 

"hope to find the perfect pen to write my life with."

the sand kings of time

Present day,present time. HaHaHAHaH. Its been years since Ive been wondering what my blood type is. Finally got my answer last year for 70 bucks. Thanks for this particular information, I'll be able to help a friend...

It's the first day of 2009 here I am in a local resto/diner. It took me more than a year to get again to this spot. Its my MECCA, a place for my reflection, recollection, and getting my shit together. And yes, It be another year till I go here again. Hope 2009 will be a good year for me, 2008 has been harsh and shitty. Thanks to everyone, gonna miss you 2008. 2009, hope youll give me a chance...chance...

new year

Present day,present time. HaHaHaHaH. Love thy neighbor as thy self. Well, it be nice if my neighbor is a she its just me. Anyway, our big-fat-bald neighbor thinks he knows too well about lands. He goes out to his territory and block the shortcut to my house. FUCK YOU!!!!, legally speaking your dying! well Ive seen the plans bozo there should be a small road between your two properties. This will be my last curse this year hope not in my life time! hope karma comes after you!.

Well enough of shitty things that happened and still happening to my life. Well I love math(sort of) so I love problems.yeah right! I felt that christmas is another season were people are getting more and more materialistic. But a few still live to what christmas is...its for christ...its for-giving...

New year. new goals same path. I hope that the people that Ive hurt and the people who felt that I hurt will forgive me. Its now 2009 kids, let reconcile and move forward. PADAYUN!!! SA PAG LAMBO!!!

your face is like yeah...yeah..yeah.

Present day present time. HaHaHaHaH. Its been two years since I accepted this job. Two years since Ive change my name,my alter ego,my outlook in life, the way I hid things to myself. Two years yet I am still stuck in a rut. Com'on leew, life's a bitch learn to fuck it....and fuck it hard.

....to be continued....

so it craves again.

Present day, present time. HaHaHaHaH!. Currently listening to gNr's november rain thankin' that its nice when someone is out there bleeding out with you. Its nice to sleep after you bleed out the extra current in your circuitry. HaHaHaHaH!.

Work been hell. Still looking for my true calling. Still looking for the piece of me that makes me tick. I was eating siopao at charlie's dinner with a friend asking me what does my future looks like. Not to sound serious I just said "maybe abroad". Yes, friends, relatives of mine are slowly conquering the global market. From singapore to dubai and canada.. dont forget New jersey. I remember someone told me....well,almost every does. You get nothing from staying in Davao,furthermore you get nothing staying in the Philippines. They maybe right, look the non-stop bullcrap that is showbiz-politics that we have nowadays. Spending money on bullshit session on someone's shit. We need more bridges and roads here dearest bullshit senators not another shit-digging-crab-mentality stint. You call your job public service when all you do is public stint.



Malagkit. When I was a boy every sunday or saturday I would always accompany my parents to BANGKEROHAN, PALENGKE. Always bring some childhood memories.HaHaHaHaH!


Manny pacman fighting Golden boy. A part of me says "youve grown into some circus I just hope one day youll be beating the crap of some wrestler. Com' on What in hell are you thinking this is overboard your like feeding yourself to the den of lions they know that you cant resist dela hoya..its your pride...think..and by the way..dont ever run for public office..SORRY!"..but then again a part of me says " dont get down easily...one two three uppercut...his is slow...."

what will-you-be

Present day present time. HAHAHAHA!!!. I love drawing/sketching.Updates of my freaking life. Just got crazy bought a hp-915. I really dont know what came into me,crazy me. Things I do now just to keep my life routine free. read comic scans(torrent!!!). watch a great movie after my shift. well my job sucks, everytime before i press that button I always say " i love my job!, FUCK!!".hahahaha. things we do to make things happen.hahahahahaha. No time to do some ego tripping this days. hope i can!!! hahahah!!!

playboy Philippines. SUCKS!! the cover girl not a pinay. though she is beautiful. Every men-mag here in Philippines just wanted to be another tamed cosmo. the articles arent that great either(these days, its my only other reason to buy men magz). but thing is i hope playboy Philippines would be playboy Philippines. but at the near-end pages of the magazine. you could sense that they are slowly injecting what they should be. i find it odd for playboy Philippines trying to mimic themselves.

elfen lied. well guest i find out where those crazy japs are so into dolls.thanks lyka!. lillium such a great haunting song. it ranks with tomandandy's retrace.

ciao. its around 2pm got to sleep.shit!2pm....pm...and i am trying to sleep.

let it begin

Present day, present time. HaHaHAHA. Its 2008, for my dearest friends and haters alike a millions thanks to you all. Whats instore for me this year, that we dont know but we can at least try to manufacture. Everyone so busy becoming rich that we seldom forget to smile and be sincere about it. Always asking for someone to affirm that we are better needless say we are the only ones who know that fact.

A year and still feeling BUM.
A year and still feeling the November Rain.
A year and still sleeping on the same bed sheet.
A year and still wanting the same things.
A year and still and will always be here.

sa natutulog kong mundo

Present day, present time! HaHaHaHa. Picture taken from one of trips of my former team(Oakland athletics). Here Alma and April taking a breath of the morning breeze. I really like this photo. Gives me the impression that no matter how sad or happy the night was. Morning would be filled with silence, realization and the feeling of...thanks..that after all of this..we are still alive.

The end of 2007 is near. 2007 will be another memory of what it was. Indeed time passes so fast that I was caught unaware that I am still here working for a Call Center taking Calls and taking shit from the so called "Americans". One day, maybe I wont see it but I Asians will again rule the world. And Americans, well proverty , chaos, civil war. Wow!!! so mean, so me. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Back to 2007, well my Camera's broken. Still thinking to buy a new one(cybershot!!!basta tong sony or powershot..). My nokia 3310 still alive, though at Christmas I was contemplating to buy a Samsung mobile phone But at the end of the day I was carrying a portable DVD player back home(NEXTBASE!!!..TIBAY CHONG!!!). Maybe next post will be about it.

During Christmas. Philippine film really rocks! I mean its the day were pinoys really patronize pinoy films. Films I wanted to see are. Saka..saklolo..I forgot the whole title but film about a young couple( juday and ryan)..enteng...Part four! bossing hasnt lose his appeal to the masses(though I just like to see this at the tube!)...Having doubts on resiklo , I mean exodus sucks bigtime..It was only the fuzz that had me curious..curious enough to waste my 65 php(make it 130 php+150-200 php worth of food). EXODUS SUCKS SO IN MY HUMBLE OPINION RESIKLO SUCKS!!!

Party at the venue. Well what can I say, was it worth the time and hassle of getting up/looking like a pimp out yuppie? I give it a yes and no. I mean, I got a chance to look like a pony businessman but the hell I care the whole building was filled with pony businessman.hahahahaha!!!

Before I end my post this 2007. I wanted to end all things that are meant to be only in 2007. Wanted to shift to a new career and be rich or die trying!

gloomywednesday's supposedly last will and testament

Present day present time. I saw the sign. Now its time to bury the hatchet. No more tears at night, no more wondering, no more looking at the sky and asking the world's famous question "why?". But what am I talking about? you wouldn't understand it. It's so darn simple yet I'm just making things to complicated. To complicated that it rips my soul to indivuals. Yes, Im a self proclaimed schizophrenic. Maybe its just one of my another lame excuse and its my way of escaping the problem at hand. You know what, it helps. Whats next? you say. I'm giving out tokens of thanks to certain individuals that help me see that the world so fat that I need to shape-up.

oh sweet november(my unlikely post)

Present day, present time. HAHAHAHA. Nov 15 is somewhat special to me why you ask? Its been a year since I actually begin to journey to a new book(life), with new characters(people) and a new setting(the saga continuous..got it!). Wanting to start something new. I leave the past as is. Set something to be my future. I try to be numb I know its cruel but I just cant let anyone use me like a toy. Try to be self-centered, logical greedy and dont forget to put up the emotionless face.

First day(last year). New set of characters, I just keep quiet. Let the dice set the pace. I let them see and say what they want to. My intention was never to be here in the first place. I was amaze why things open up to me when I didnt ask for it(truly what you really want cant be yours).



yes im still thinking what image to add. Im still in haze, its 5:30am what you expect
currently playing : sandwich's kalendaryo

Oh sweet november(a tribute to nonetheless)

Present day,present time. Hahahaha. Yet another glimpse of what is Samal Island(kamudmud). Me and my team were the only ones who were present at that beach(who would go to samal on a wednesday..hahaha). Anyway, it was great as always. I get to bleed-out and feel brother sea. By the way this is a stolen shot. It was just one of those moments where I just wanted to be myself and feel that I am still human, despite the God-like ego I have. The sea certainly brings the sadness in me. The sadness that fuels my desire to rise up and move two steps ahead of where I am now.

Enough rantings I say. What so good about this trip. I got the chance to float in the open sea. Next will be swimming forward. Thanks to our swimming instructor Rey "Alibi". Hahahahaha. He told me the theory behind swimming.

It's November again. The wind blows south and cold again. The music still lingers....

ON darn STUPIdity

Present day present time. HaHaHaHa. All this shit in my head. Wanting to say something, wanting to prove that they are darn wrong. That you dont need "something" to do "something".Hmm , till next time. Really cant express this shit.